Retrospect

Its been more then two weeks since I have left my college hostel and that city. Student life is almost on the verge of ending. Technically. But the ongoing process of education continues throughout ones life time. I would be joining the job soon and earning my bread and butter. There too would be no escape from books. Books and technology follow you everywhere. In whichever field one may be, one has to be in touch, keep onself updated.

When I look back now at the time spent there at hostel I have mixed feelings. I dont miss it. But yes memories are there. Yesterday night I was sleepless, and I heard on radio some of the songs I hadn't heard for days, some which I would listen to regularly in my room with my roomies, songs which have some memories and sentiments attached, some instances attached to them. Its nostalgia. But isn't it too early a time to feel nostalgia, for I was there this past month only.

People who formed a part of my social circle still live there. I dont know if they remember me, I mean miss me. I dont think so. Neither would I wish that anyone miss me.

Let me start with the beginning of year 2006.
All was going to change for me forever in this year. I dont think I would like to remember the events of year 2006, but still I have lived through this one year and have memories too, which I terribly wish to forget but I get weak sometimes and feel helpless. People say that I am pessimist, I dont enjoy life in true spirit, I get tensed, am too emotional. True they may be and its not that I am not aware of the flaws in me. No one is perfect, neither am I. And consciosly I am forever trying, sincerly trying to overcome them, these behaviour patterns in me as friends put it that keep me from moving ahead. Yes self improvent is what I aim for today, and have consciously tried to overcome the obstacles that I saw, the flaws in me.

Labelled a shy kid since kindergarten days, I grew up on one side trying to explore my little world, getting lost, too adventerous or reckless should we say. Yes I would get lost at times, not exactly lost, I would just be too confident and set off on my own trail. But parents were so pampering and cautious that I never got the kind of freedom to do all the stupid and great things I would want to do. Stupid as they would seem to them, and great as they would seem to me, the little one. With time the restrictions increased, I didn't realise it. But I realise it now. I know the big bad world is out there. But is it only waiting for me?? Am I really at risk and really is staying at home the solution to all my problems. Am I really happy indoors.

I know where I lack. But awareness isn't enough. Neither is the will power enough. Its the parental consent which matters the most here, in everything I have to do. They give the nod then only can I move ahead. Feels sickening sometimes, can't even do silly little things without their approval or acceptance. But they are parents- they have the right and they do care.

One arena where my parents have nevered bothered to have their say is in Academics. I studied whatever I wanted to, I did whatever I wanted to. I dropped science and chose commerce, they didn't mind. I dropped commerce and chose maths, they didn't say a word. And then I dropped maths and again took computer science, no word at all. It doesn't really matter what I do it seems. I have come a full circle, back to where I started....and that too a long way.